Here’s Martha’s letter.
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“I’m 27, and I feel devastated by the turn my life has taken. I’m lost and desperately searching for answers because I’m too emotionally overwhelmed to think clearly. That’s why I’m writing this letter, hoping that after I share my problem, someone might help guide me to the right path. I also want to warn other women who might find themselves in a similar situation— I wouldn’t wish my luck on anyone, not even my worst enemies…
Initially, my love life seemed perfect. I met David (30) when we were both in college. I had a crush on him from the moment I saw him, and to my surprise, he felt the same way. We’ve been together ever since. About six years ago, we mutually decided that we wanted to start a family.”
She learned the hard way she couldn’t have kids.
“When years of trying didn’t lead to a pregnancy, we decided to seek medical advice. We had tried for so long, but nothing happened. I felt so depressed and terrified. It was David who suggested we see a doctor, so we did.
The doctor ran some tests, and I was told that I couldn’t have children. My whole world came crashing down. I remember crying so often and at the most random times that I started to think I was losing my mind.”
The couple decided to opt for surrogacy.
“David tried to console me and distract me from my grief. He suggested adoption, but I wanted my own child. Then one day, it hit me: I’m infertile, but I’ve always wanted to be a mom, and surrogacy might be the best option for me. I discussed it with David, and he initially agreed. However, he started to hesitate when he realized how expensive the procedure was.
We were struggling financially at the time, and my mental health issues meant I couldn’t work properly. I talked about our situation with my parents and other close loved ones, including my cousin Amy. To my surprise, Amy offered to be our surrogate to help reduce the costs, and I couldn’t have been more grateful to her.”
After multiple struggles, the couple was gifted with a boy.
“Here’s what happened next: After several unsuccessful IVF attempts, Amy finally became pregnant! Three years ago, David and I welcomed our son through surrogacy, and he was absolutely perfect. I was over the moon. We named him George, and I dedicated all my time to taking care of him.
Amy visited often to see George. She even babysat for him while I had to take urgent work trips. David suggested that we rely on her for help, and at the time, I didn’t think much of it. In hindsight, maybe I should have.”
A shocking revelation that tore the family apart.
“Recently, I took our son to the doctor because he wasn’t feeling well. They ran some blood work, and I discovered that I’m not his biological mother. I thought it must have been a mistake, so I told David we should sue the fertility clinic. To my horror, David confessed it wasn’t their fault.
He admitted that he had gotten close to my cousin around the time we were undergoing the IVF process and had slept with her a few times. I felt an indescribable rage and betrayal. The son I’ve loved more than anything is not even mine but the result of David’s affair with my cousin. I immediately asked David to leave the house. I couldn’t bear to even look at him.”
Martha is filing for divorce but she’s not sure how to deal with George.
“I’m already consulting with my lawyer about a divorce, and I’ve informed my family about everything. They’re supportive and have said they’ll back whatever decision I make. David keeps trying to contact me, but I can’t bring myself to give him another chance after everything that’s happened. Amy has been in tears, begging for forgiveness, but I don’t think I can ever forgive her.
As for George, I’m conflicted. I still love him dearly, but every time I look at him, I’m reminded of my husband’s affair, and it makes me feel sick. What should I do?” Martha writes, seeking advice.
Martha, thank you for your letter. Here’s what our readers advise in your situation.
- first place and the matter will be sorted out, if the two of you behave like mature adults. Don’t throw away what you have! I wish you a lot of good luck! © Elizabeth Mulder / Facebook
I would suggest you think of the little boy who knows you as his mommy. Right now, he’s all that matters. How would he feel to have his mommy abandon him. © Terry Moore-Smith / Facebook
Seek legal advice. Seek some kind of support and/therapy. With legal advice, change the birth certificate & divorce your cheating husband. No matter how much you love the child, he will be a constant reminder of the affair, being cheated on. Let his biological parents raise him. © Jewel Myra Levine / Facebook - First get legal advice, does she even have rights to the child since he’s not hers and is the cousins. Before any major decision, take a step back for a week or more from everyone and think about how you want to handle it with no one else’s opinions. The choice you make will affect the rest of your life, so you need to be as sure as you can be. Your little boy is innocent in this and only knows you as mom, but to be honest, if the situation were reversed, and it was the husband that just found out he wasn’t the dad, majority of people would be telling him to bounce and not look back. This isn’t a one answer fits all situation, and only the mom here can make the call that’s right for her. © Kristina Copeland / Facebook
- Try therapy first. Yes, it will be hard, but you love your son. I would have an attorney draw up papers to have the cousin relinquish her rights and then keep her away from your house. Also tell the husband, if he lets the cousin near the son, you are through with the marriage. © Lisa Sweeney / Facebook
What would you advise Marta?
Here’s another story about a man who confessed his infidelity to his wife and received an unexpected reaction.
Preview photo credit elena Lopes / Pexels
